Best Cucumber Sandwiches

I’m enjoying cleaning my computer too much. Here’s another random document, this one from April 22, 2009 and not opened since, titled Best Cucumber Sandwiches. This one I actually found the source for, just out of curiosity. My bet is that I was printing a grocery list.

This is a strangely divisive sandwich. One of my best friends had a true conviction that the cucumber sandwich was not artful unless you could see through the bread. I had another friend who insisted that cucumber sandwiches are made with butter, because he was an idiot. And the great irony is, this recipe below isn’t even how I make cucumber sandwiches at all. I basically just whip dill, cream cheese, and mayo together, slice insanely thin cucumbers with my mad knife skillz, and try to distract people from the mediocrity of the resulting sandwich by cutting them into adorable animal shapes.

Into the trash with this one.


Best Cucumber Sandwiches

  • 1 medium cucumber
  • 1/2 cup cider vinegar
  • 1 cup water
  • 8 ounces of cream cheese
  • 1/4 cup mayonnaise
  • 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon onion salt
  • dash Worcestershire
  • 1 loaf sliced, firm-textured bread
  • dash of paprika